How to reframe your thoughts about “what is”

Reframing our thoughts from negative to positive about “what is” is an important skill to learn so that we can live in the present in a joyous way. This is an important anger management skill and anger management must be a part of any discussion on family violence.

You don’t just feel angry

Many times I have asked people, “How do you feel?” and they tell me, “I feel angry”. Then I ask them, “What else do you feel?” and they say, “Nothing. I just feel angry”.

It is important to know that there is always another feeling that exists with anger. There is always another feeling that exists prior to anger. This is why anger is considered a secondary emotion. In other words, anger occurs after and as a reaction to another, more primary emotion. These primary emotions are of the negative type, or feelings that we see as negative, such as hurt, helpless, disrespected or afraid. They make us feel vulnerable in some way, therefore, we cover them up with anger. The anger makes us feel less vulnerable and temporarily more empowered.

Unfortunately, there is no path to the resolution of our anger except through the pain of the primary emotion. We must learn to accept our primary emotions and be with them in a more positive way if we are to conquer our chronic anger state. Also, being aware of our primary emotions allows us to communicate our feelings in a healthier way, not just as anger, but as another more genuine sense of ourselves that others can understand and connect to.

Lorraine Watson – Education for nonviolent choices

 

QUESTION - Think of some recent event that made you feel angry. Then try to identify a feeling other than anger that you felt. This would be the primary emotion such as hurt, disrespected, afraid or helpless. Just make sure the feeling you come up with is not just another word for anger such as upset, enraged or mad.

Family Violence – An intergenerational problem

You would think that for anyone who grew up in a home with family violence, the last thing they would want in their adult relationships would be more family violence. Unfortunately, the truth is that if you grew up with family violence you are much more likely to be either a victim or perpetrator of domestic violence in your adult life. And of those that have domestic violence in their adult life, most have domestic violence or some form of abuse in their past.

Thanks for your patience.

Thank you for your patience while we set up our blog.